Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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