So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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