we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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