Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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