Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
