Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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