Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize