i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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