If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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