i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
