It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
