you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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