She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
