Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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