We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
