Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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