Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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