Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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