Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
