please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
