So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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