This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You did what with his pubic hair?
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