My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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