I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
