I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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