yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
