apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
