i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
