you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
