Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
