Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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