I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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