sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
