I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
