all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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