Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
