i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
