apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
