roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
