yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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