my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did I show you my penis last night?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
