I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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