Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
