Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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