I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
