Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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