I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
