People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
