She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
