Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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