Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
