Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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