dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
