my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
