My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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