But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
