also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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