She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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