If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
