if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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