but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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