just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
