It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize