I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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