take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
