if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
