My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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