A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
