If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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