If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
