I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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